Unicorns and Disco Balls

Lollipops & Razorblades

“Nobody knows me, Nobody knows me … like you know me.”

I sometimes sit and try to imagine what my life would be if were not mine.  I wonder how it could be so easy and if the only thing that I had to complain about was the rotten piece of fruit that I got at the supermarket or the over priced avocado.  Most women I know only talk about the fact that they took their child to the park, or they talk about their tit feeding schedule.  Sparrow said that the sight of a woman’s uncovered breast would turn him on, not so much with all the breastfeeding around us. Ladies please cover your tit and show some modesty.  The only tits anyone would want to see is mine and I made a living on that. I know weird, the stripper says you should cover up, ironic. I don’t have a fucking clue what to make of these people other then it turns my stomach.  I have a hard enough time on a day to day basis trying to get my shit right and these bitches go ahead and freely let go of themselves, their own achievements their own lives.  I get it. . .a child I suppose changes things, but what I don’t get is the loss of self.  I am fucked up and still would never want to let go of the suicidal tendencies and bi polar behavior, then who would I be? Such a pale version, so very boring.

I think if I could I would hang shiny disco balls from the celling wear knee socks, glitter and ride a unicorn with silver strands throughout her hair.  I would smell like cotton candy and if anyone me did any harm I would execute them with my rapier. . .one clean poke through the heart. Ruthless, but fair.

Sparrow and I tend to spend most of our time together, alone, except when we go to yoga.  We are the “perfect couple”, we should be on the cover of Yoga Journal (someone actually said that. . .no shit), WOW!!! How long ago did you get that tattoo, because I know you did not always have one there (um. . .ok)  By the way who the fuck are you? People have this odd fascination with the two of us, almost like they want a piece of what we have or what it looks like we have when in all reality they have no idea who the fuck we are.  I understand the draw, we are interesting. . .maybe even magnetic, but peoples obsession, it’s plain creepy.  So and so’s husband is “jealous” of Sparrows body and women always want to know where I get my new “super cute yoga pants” from. OMG!!! You have the best style!!!” Bitch you don’t know me, because if you did, you would know not to say dumb shit to me that means nothing. I don’t know you and chances are it will stay that way.  If people only knew . . . but they don’t. . .we’re so perfect.  You found love, what else do you ever need? You have it all and you are so pretty.  Sparrow thinks I don’t let people in that want to be my friend.  He’s right.  I don’t want to go through getting to know someone and listening to their problems and not sharing mine.  Shit, the man that I am marrying is just finding things out about me. Things like I being called a cunt and being degraded in the sack (spit motherfucker, SPIT!!!), I like keeping things just for me.  And as far as friends, they surly will burn you bad at one time or another.  Here is to childhood friends, here, here!!  No thank you, I’ll take the road alone now with Sparrow, he is the far more desirable one in this relationship all the way around.  People should be envious of the way I am treated by him, not the way I look.  Fuck, I have no idea how I pulled that off. I know it is not just my expertise at giving head, that would be enough though. . .I think. I think he may be the only one who can see me.

-ApplejAxe

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~ by applejaxe on April 17, 2012.

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