Shades of Gray.


“Destroy everything you touch today, please destroy me this way.”

In a recent attempt to actively work on my judgmental self I came face to face with a situation where I failed miserably, it was not only myself but with Sparrow as well.  Sunday mornings at our gym there is this man,he is completely inappropriate with his wardrobe for christ sake the man wear a visible red thong short shorts and mesh see through tops. A total side note to the fact that he grunts like a mother fucker when he is lifting weights.  Everyone looks at him like this not just us, here is the thing, he is nothing but friendly and pleasant to everyone, smiling, saying good morning and have a good day regardless.  Nothing about this man or any of his actions warrant the harsh  judgment that is outwardly placed on him.  Sparrow and I decided to take a real look at this situation in action after our run as we stretched out on the mat.  The wardrobe du jour an S+M type harness halter thong cock thing  with a circular metal ring that was peeking through his shorts with everyone looking in disgust and snickering, us included. I wondered why the man was wearing his fetish gear to the gym, weird you know?  Then in occurred to the two of us, it just maybe a lifestyle thing.  Maybe he was a slave he clearly did not mind showing himself off but did he deserve the harsh judgement? It was his life who am I to say what is right or wrong.  I get it, cover your shit when you are in public or at least be in the correct public venue to show your junk off.  If anyone knows what it is like to be judged it is me.  I mean, think of stripper and you automatically think of something or some lowly act.  Fuck you.  Know me then judge me. Many have, many do but not necessarily for being a stripper.  Some just judge me for being given that “easy card” in life  . . . by the people that know you oh so well, your friends, you will never have to worry it always works out for you, you never have to work another day and you will be just oh so fine.  You have it all and I fucking hate you. I know you do, and now there is no one left.  I think I rather be judged for being a stripper it’s far easier to handle and at least I know what you are burning me at the steak for.  I am working on judging less and thinking more . . . sorry but if you are wearing acrylic nails I just can’t get past that one and the extensions in your hair. Oppsies.

There are more shades of gray and it’s suffocating.  I want for the warmth of the sunshine to awaken me from this haze, it though has been no where insight.  It passes there is nothing more true then that waiting though is cutting.  Marking the days and time by the way the light does or doesn’t come through.  The laughter and noise outside later means more time has elapsed.  It used to be quiet, the door once stayed locked, even if it is we can not keep it all out. It is building I hope not to worsen maybe to just stay the same. Same would be good, just for a little bit longer, same we are just getting use to same.  The cars around here are different they are far too nice and the people driving them are not.

Just fuck me like the little slut I am.  Just fuck it hard, fuck me the way I know you have wanted to fuck your entire life and couldn’t.  Fuck me, come in me, hard the way you know I like to come.  Take your fingers and shove them down my throat i’ll suck them hard like I do your dick.  I want to hear you, I want to hear you fucking me good, slow and hard.  Take me as I am.  And then do again twice as hard . . . fucking and punching. Destroy me this way.



~ by applejaxe on May 9, 2012.

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