Blow. . .


“It’s unfortunate that when we feel a storm, we can roll ourselves over ’cause we are uncomfortable. Oh well the devil makes us sin. But we like when we’re spinning in his grin.”


“Only swallow if you want a ring, and only do it once.” Ok. This was a conversation that was had after Saturday morning yoga practice, Sparrow and I were the lucky ones to listen to this.  Where our studio is located it is very much  old money, a very affluent suburb.  The women that practice there are either divorced and living off alimony and the only time they don’t practice is when they are having a tit job or having their face “refreshed” and in the time of their absence they will usually say they were in Aspen skiing or weekend in at the Hamptons. No shit, totally not yoga but anyway yoga is not for the “poor people”. Which to me seems so fucking ironic and hypocrytical, it should be accessible to everyone.  Sparrow does work-study to pay off his time and I can not for the life of me do that, it is expending to much energy with the most neediest life suckers. . .so I suck it up and pay. Like I said he is by far the better of the two.  By the way I have absolutely no business doing that when I can not afford it.  There is this woman I will call her “scarecrow” I am giving her this name because she’s the poster child for eating disorders, cutting not to mention that there seems to be a few short circuits upstairs, she is funny . . . kinda? But she’s just a fucked up miserable woman with a whole lot of shit.  I am not judging because there can be a whole laundry list of nasty shit about me too.  Here is the judgement, she is the one that made the blow job comment.  We are siting there and are kind of in awe like what the fuck, obviously there is none of that going on.  This bitch, sorry, “scarecrow” has nothing to worry about at all in her life and her poor husband.  That is all I thought about.  Who doesn’t like to suck dick? I mean really.  There is a reason that men will never cheat on their girlfriends and wives and it’s simple . . . they give good head and like to fuck.  But mostly it is the blow jobs that keeps them.  I will come back to that in a minute, pun intended.  Sparrow and I started talking about this and we realized that most of the people that we know in committed relationships gay or straight are not fucking.  I mean I understand that when the sex goes in any relationship that usually is a clear indicator that the relationship is in the shitter, and it is only a matter of time, like tomorrow, it should be over.  There is no relationship without intimacy, unless of course there is a serious issue, um, like someone is paralyzed. I mean my god, fucking is the greatest thing in life, and it’s free . . . well for some it isn’t but then you can still buy it. Everything has a price.  I think about Sparrow and I, we have the most amazing sex . . . fucking, sucking whatever.  It makes the hard times a bit easier, we are closer, even though we are kinda fucked up in the bedroom.  That is the point dirt, fucking, fantasy.

As I was listening to “scarecrow” also I think, frigid bitch and I started to snicker inside, your husband was my client base.  Your husband is the wealthy professional that will come in week after week to see me, the one who “listens” and “cares” hearing over and over again how they wish you were like me.  The more we talk the more I find out about you, how there is no sex and for some reason or another sometimes that is ok.  They always, ALWAYS, say the problems began when the blow jobs stopped and the children became more important.  Hey “scarecrow” that is your husband visiting me spending 450 a half hour because I “listen” and I give him some comfort.  Maybe you should . . . but, then again that is my bread and butter.  I would be so fucking pissed if my boyfriend/husband was spending some serious dough on another woman, and the fact that she is not who she appears to be, stupid, you are opening your bank account all on an illusion.  I guess somebody has to buy it.   I learned a lot from this job.  That is why my man is never hungry.  It shouldn’t be that hard.  Men don’t want to fuck every woman that they see, they may think about it, but most really just want some woman that wants to just fuck them and give them blow jobs.  Most men, unbeknownst to most “other” women, meaning women that do not work in the business, want to be heard and need that soft place, believe me, that is what I was paid for.  Women can be incredibly selfish, withholding and cold.  In the end it’s all the same these relationships will eventually break and then two re enter back into society, where now there are two more assholes that we have to all deal with.  SUCK. THE. DICK. You are helping ensure that society will not totally crumble in ruins. There are enough assholes, please, they are the ones that accost you for “stealing” “their” parking space.

Sparrow and I are doing the best we can, we are treading in some pretty deep water.  It is amazing to me how the two of us went from making phenomenal salaries to making none.  It is getting hard.  We want to marry sooner then later.  Our engagement will be a year in July, how much things have changed.  I feel so mentally tired, so physically tired from constantly beating the shit out of my body and never resting.  I suppose it is what keeps me some what functioning.  Sparrow and I briefly touched on our money situation.  I mentioned that I was not 33 yet, that’s the cut off, there is still a little bit of time and I can make the money. . .quickly and easily.  No one can argue the logic of our sitution.  No conclusion has been made.  Sparrow’s eyes filled up with tears.


~ by applejaxe on May 30, 2012.

3 Responses to “Blow. . .”

  1. Know the feeling. Here’s to time to stop being sooner rather than later.

  2. Agree, big time. It would be nice to see the daylight and not neon light.

  3. […] the time i started this blog now that I think about it, when I read a few of her posts about her past life as a stripper.  I have a special place in my heart for people who do unconventional things for a living (e.g., […]

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