The Devil’s Playground.

Lollipops & Razorblades.

“Just in time in the right place steadily emerging with grace.”

Lately I have been completely disconnected to this blog or just writing for that matter.  I have kinda, no completely gone inward, I have needed some quiet.  Quiet from myself, my shit, me and Sparrows shit . . .  just needed to be able to find some comfort, I have, the stagnation in our lives has begun to move.  Just as the seasons change our life will finally begin to change, change form into to this beautiful vibrant soul, beat and breath.  I stop and think where has this summer gone? Last time I checked it was the end of June, the ever present heat has encumbered our lives, boiling. . .unbearable that is where the summer went  . . . the dog fucking days.  Too hot to enjoy . . . maybe this was not our summer to enjoy, just like this is not our year to marry.  I think we were doing our time, whatever that means.  Sparrow is back in school, hell fucking yeah, he will makes me proud, he’s a smart boy.  There was a weight that has been lifted, there seems to be options that were not there before.  Maybe the karmic universe is on our side or, like I said, we have just done our time for shit we did in the past.  With Sparrow beginning to seem more stable, carving his way through the thorns making his own path I have no other choice to stop and yet again take a look at mine.  It’s a fucking mess.  It’s a mess because I made it that way, I don’t think I ever had any intention other then the mere curiosity of it all.  I never wanted to play with the dead.  Shit that scared me far too much, if you have read this blog you already may know that I have this very heightened sense of intuition.  I don’t think it is psychic or anything . . . but I have said that I hate the neighbor so much for not picking up their dogs shit, fuck them as they are mowing their lawn.  I also said to them “oh and just so you know shit head your lawn mower is going to break, have fun.”  As I said that outside in the backyard not even a second later did that mower die, no shit.  Coincidence, maybe . . . I don’t know though.  My ability to read and see through people is pretty amazing, that is how I was able to do so well at my job  . . . that is also the sole reason I was able to stay so safe.

 

The mess that I am referring to I hate to even write about it, it makes me that uneasy and uncomfortable and at this point scares the shit out of me.  The Ouija board.  Yes we all “played” with them as children and pretended that something was happening, well as a child it really did happen.  I opened up a portal, a window and became that much more susceptible to all that shit that lives in hell or limbo  . . . I do know I got a few from heaven as well, my mother.  The whole entire point of this board was to communicate with my mother, thirteen years since she has passed, it has been close to a decade since me and Jane (my mothers best friend) have touched that board.  At first communication was very easy we would hear the song “Angel” by Sarah Mclachlan that was a cue from my mother that she need to speak with us.  It was in always in regards  to Janie or I.  It was strange as soon as we started the car it would be the first cord that god damn piano note always from the beginning . . . like she was waiting for us.  Janie and I would meet up and place the board down on the living room floor and converse with my mother for I don’t know 45 minutes or so.  It was fine and dandy, I know it is a bit strange talking with your dead mother and all, also, being scolded at times.  How many people can say that though? Not to many.  When we were done we placed the board back on the shelf along with the other parker brothers games and went on with our day.  After about 8 months or so things started to become different, the connection was starting to become sort of static.  My mother was not strongly coming through anymore, she would be there and then it would just stop.  One of the last few times Janie and I were with the board and “my mother” things got very strange, the triangular piece that we placed our hands on together that connected to the other world just started moving.  It was moving very slowly then picking up in pace there was a figure 8 that was continuously happening over and over again.  Janie and I looked at each other we both felt ill and at the same time threw our hands off the board.  Something happened  . . . it was not my mother.  Scared and shaken we put the board away, Janie then questioned her son if he and his friends had touched the board, they didn’t.  I decided . . . bad fucking decision, that I was going to take the board back to my apartment.  Maybe we just needed a different space and it would be ok.  BAD BAD BAD idea.  A week or so  later Janie came over and we thought we should give it one more try, nervously we placed our hands back on the board, Immediately it began the figure 8 again.  Janie said, “Bev”, my mothers name, “we need you” . . . the response was “Bev is fucking dead. You have Ricky instead.”  . . . ok I just got chills writing that, so fucking scary.  Yes I know that my mother is dead and all but who the fuck are you?  I should really be doing a PSA for Ouiji board use . . . there just should not be any.

Here is the thing, once you mess around with spirits, the after life, that fucking board, you unlocked something.  If you unlock something you have instantly bad luck, bad karma some would say, others say you are playing with the devil.  Both my life and Jainies life over the past decade have taken a serious downturn, her’s down right terrible from being wealthy to almost poverty stricken.  I will tell more about the complexity of Janie on another day, very interesting story.  So in the mean time I have this board, I tried leaving at my ex’s but that is the first thing that he delivered to me.  I did not want to bring it in to my fathers house so I drove around with this fucking board in my trunk for years.  Now it is in the garage at my fathers he is not allowed to touch it just leave it.  I have to get rid of this  curse.  I have been researching it.  I am terrified to touch the thing but it needs to be put to rest.  Whatever is on that board needs to be put to rest.  I have learned that I must cleanse it with holy water, wrap the board in a natural cloth and burry it on holy ground.  Much easier said then done.  I am working on it.  After it all maybe then I can just continue try as I might steadily emerging with grace.

-ApplejAxe

~ by applejaxe on August 10, 2012.